I thought last weeks class discussion about what is suffering and what is not suffering was super interesting. Especially because maybe you would think of 'not suffering' as just the opposite of 'suffering', but is it...? Which leads me back to the topic of self care and how to best not suffer.
Some of my favorite topics of not suffering (that we thought of) was having realistic expectations. The idea of being "super nurse", is some sort of fantasy but not a reality. Sometimes when I come home from work exhausted it is because I have tried to do more than is possible for one human being. I think the self care part is realizing when to say its ok and I'm going to take a break. I struggle with this, as I'm sure so do others. So now I regularly make myself tune out and take a coffee break, and a lunch break, and a pee break... even if part of me is like no don't leave the floor!
I feel embracing this life and work perspective helps me suffer less while at work and especially once I get home too. I think we can all benefit from practicing letting go the idea of being super nurse and instead being able to have a realistic expectation of our work day. This realistic expectation I realize is two fold: one of how much physical work we can actually do, and two how much we mentally hold ourselves responsible for. I would say based on my work experience keeping both in-check are important. So I vow as part of my self care exploration to be easy on my mind and body and set myself up for realistic expectations.
Another part of not suffering is having adequate support. So maybe there is an element of self care in building and tapping into a strong support system?! I love my charge nurses at work, the CNA's, the rapid response nurses and the list goes on. I think remembering all the ways to use them as a daily support system is beneficial. I feel I am a good delegator, pat on the back to me :*) Working as a team with my CNA makes my days at work fly by much more smoothly. Being in contact with my charge and rapid response nurses give me an extra set of brain neurons and hands. Remembering I am not out there alone with my patients gives me some alleviation of suffering.
Adequate support system at home is another extension of self care. This one I have played around with and came to the conclusion (with my fiance Marcus), that our life is much better on days that I work he cooks. He can cook anything he wants, lasagna to cup of noodles so long as it is roughly ready to eat when I get home. We normally love to cook together, however now that I am on day shift this has ended poorly sometimes. The aforementioned lasagna is a favorite dish of ours to cook and his is especially wonderful with leeks and kale mmmm... However, one night upon arriving home hungry and tired he thought it would be fun to go grocery shopping and then assemble and bake the lasagna- something we normally love to do. I agreed using my last bit of energy from the day. Half way through grocery shopping, it's now almost 8:30pm I can feel my belly growl- bowel tones were present in all four quadrants. Then we start cooking and assembling and by the time it's ready to eat it's almost 10pm and I am a hungry mess. Long story short part of my self care and not suffering routine is having something to eat within like a half hour of coming home. Everyone is happy that way and the suffering is minimized. But this works especially well because of the home support system, of a loved one who realizes what works best and how to step up on days when I'm tired from working.
Minimizing suffering and maximizing not suffering is often times about how we view our surroundings. I am trying to actively set myself up as positively as possible because otherwise I think burnout could be eventually inevitable. Realistic expectations and broad support systems are a top priority for me to work on in the near future.
And, on the topic of not suffering, I asked if I could go down in hours as work next quarter. My boss told me it wasn't possible, but I was welcome to use as many vacation days as I need. So next quarter I am going to use a vacation day every other week. I don't need to prove anything to myself or anyone else that I can do it all, instead I am looking out for myself preemptively.
What are your thoughts on suffering vs not suffering at work?
SSU,
ReplyDeleteI am so impressed by your reflection and follow through with action. And I mean the reflection you seem to have as an ongoing check-in with yourself that you have been having (not just this post.) The food work around with Marcus is genius. I can’t even begin to count the miscommunications and melt-downs I’ve had due to over exhaustion and low blood sugar. Having realistic non-super-nurse expectations and using your support system is a great self care plan. How unfortunate you have to use vacation time, booo. But in the end you may be less burned out and need less calgon-take-me-away-vacation by pacing yourself that way. And one day you will accrue it back again ☺.
Being in home health, my suffering at work is very different than “hospital suffering.” I have one client and spend intense time with them. Which has its pluses, but the minuses… are that you are spending intense time with them and are in an uncontrolled environment. So for me, my suffering is more emotional than physical, and about boundaries exhaustion with the family. Also, I largely work alone, so support systems are really different. I did speak to my supervisor about the family’s horrible letter and she was very supportive of me. She also gave me guidance that until we have a team meeting with the family, to not do education, etc. and just document family’s preferences. Which just sucks on so many levels, especially with my extreme sense of responsibility for this child. But, I have to say I am suffering so much less. I still advocate for him, but I don’t feel nearly as overwhelmed by the family’s dysfunction. Knowing I only have three weeks left there helps too. Huge. ☺
You have such a calming presence. It can’t be just coincidence that you take these self care measures and that they aren’t affecting your whole being projected to others.
My thought in regards to suffering vs. not suffering is that I'm very pro non-suffering. Sometimes the lines between suffering and just annoyance is not so clear, but I definitely believe in taking care of oneself first, before others. So here's my justification of why I'm so pro non-suffering:
ReplyDelete1. Just by the nature of our modern nursing job duties, we will suffer without a doubt, unless drastic social-cultural and economical changes occur. We will be worked really hard, as is a lot of high paying jobs demand. We have to deal with difficult patients, that are confused, stress us out, bitch at us, hit us, etc. Then with all those stressful emotions that everyone in the hospital has, we will inevitably have to suffer the unpleasant team members presence. Basically, we will suffer to on degree or another. Whether at the hospital like we are, or Meow Meow at the home health settings. She is suffering because she is torn between crossing boundaries or not crossing boundaries of the child client and his parents.
2. Just like the what the flight attendants instruct you on the airplane in case of an emergency, "PUT YOUR MASK ON FIRST...then help others around you." Obviously it because if you pass out first, how the heck are you going to help the loved ones around you? Basically you'd get both of you killed. For myself, I try to imagine having a daily cap of BS I can tolerate. Here's an example of mine: If I have a ridiculously demanding or unreasonable pt, I don't put myself in a position where I have to suffer. I basically set boundaries and limits with that pt, so I have time for attend to my other patients. Such boundaries will things such as, "No you can't have another snack and back rub, that's number 3 tonight." I find that if I just set limits with demanding patients, I stay more positive, and I provide better care to my overall set of patients. That's just my take on things.
I'm a firm believer in playing hard after working hard. You gotta not suffer. I think you've touched on the theme of having balance in the work place. Often times we just aren't as good of taking care of ourselves, thus the biggest factor of our own suffering. However, you're pretty smart and able to reflect intelligently on the big picture. I think you should start that overseas adventure soon :)
I can totally relate to your idea of being “super nurse.” You can change out super nurse for super daughter, super wife, super dog mama, whatever. I’m looking at you, Martha Stewart Super Wedding Issue! Seriously, why hasn’t someone come out with “Good Enough Bride” and “Good Enough Wedding”? It’s funny that with all this outside pressure to make everything perfect, that we are often the ones that suffer the most. There’s not enough time to follow every OSHA and hospital rule to the letter. There’s no way we can put four course meals on the table every night. There’s no way we can make it to the gym for an hour of cardio and 45 minutes of weights 365 days of the year. Yet for some reason, we often try and it never really leaves us feeling as satisfied as hope (one day I’ll tell you about the cookie garden), just tired and a little cranky that everyone else isn’t stunned and awed for a sufficient time period with our awesomeness. I’m proud of you for recognizing this now, and learning to put yourself a little higher up on your priority list. Because, even at “good enough”, you are truly amazing.
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