While it might sound bleak growing up in a shipyard it was actually full of stories and adventures that are deeply rooted in our family identity. We lived on waterfront property, had a sailboat in our front yard, and a beautiful view of the San Francisco Bay. We had two wonderful Labradors and two wonderful Golden Retrievers, who we trained to retrieve the newspapers from the front gates. One pigeon named Walter and two ducks named Disco and Daffy. We had tons of fresh fish brought in by fishing boats that would dock to unload their catch for the day and an interesting group of people who shared the pier with us.
This is a picture of my parents and in the site of our former home (the painted floor delineates the different rooms), it is now turned into a public park and there is a bench sitting at the site where we used to live.
Our life took a turn for the suburban when I was three years old. We left our shipyard and moved to Marin County just across the Golden Gate Bridge. We moved into a beautiful house in a sleepy little town called San Anselmo where I spent the rest of my growing up years.
I feel like I got my work ethic from both my parents, but especially my dad. He would wake up every morning at 5am and go to work while the rest of the world slept. I always admired his ability to do the same job for 30+ years and be a stable provider for our family. I attribute my creativity to my mom. She can make anything with her hands (sheepskin boots are a favorite staple of hers) and is full of ideas. Hard work and stability have always been a large part of our family values and therefore I believe a large part of my self identity. I feel like I take pride in going to my job, being a reliable and capable employee. It gives me a sense of worth and contribution to the world around me.
However, I never dreamt of becoming a nurse, never in my wildest dreams. I was a musician for the vast majority of my life and always assumed I would be a professional musician into adulthood. I'm a classically trained harpist, which is why I moved to Seattle in the first place. After I graduated high school I went to UW where I studied Harp Performance and graduated in 2007. A large part of my self story at that time was that I was artistic, not scientific. I felt very intelligent, just not in the usual hard sciences. However, this self story took a turn when on contemplating my future and what it might look like I thought I would take Anatomy and Physiology as one of my science credits towards my Music Degree. I thought if I did well I could become a nurse, and if I didn't well then we'd have to see. So I took the class and the lab and did incredibly well. Much to my self-esteem boost, I thought wow I am more capable than I gave myself credit for. Off I went into my nursing adventure...
Me as a harpist (in Japan 2002)
It has been a challenge for me assimilating my two identities together. I have always enjoyed the creative and thinking outside the norm (my harpist side), yet I am also reliable and intelligent (my nurse side). Sometimes I wish I was always type A RN because I feel like I would not have to figure out how to combine two life perspectives. Yet, I feel like there has to be the ideal nursing job out there for me. In my current job I work as a Cardiac Nurse on a busy floor, and while I love my job, I honestly cannot see doing it until I retire. I want to find the job as a nurse that really works for me. I keep believing that it is out there and until I figure out what it is I will keep up my current job.
On a side note this is an artistic hobby that I adore... free-handing intricate pen and ink drawings. I think if you click on it, it can get clearer.
I loved seeing the photos of your family and your past life, it really adds another dimension to what I know about you. It sounds like you grew up very grounded and that has translated into your ability to be such a great multi-tasker. It can be difficult to sometimes blend the artistic and scientific sides of ourselves together. I sometimes wish I could just see things in black and white, rather than in so many shades of grey. I have come to learn though, that just like a painting, it is the shades of grey that make people and paintings so much richer. I commend you on your ability to blend your talents together. Within those shades of grey, are the tiny details that you, with your artistic side, can see or feel or just sense. These details while often subtle can't help but make your patients more comfortable, and you a better nurse.
ReplyDeleteHi Fellow Blogger/Classmate,
ReplyDeleteSeems like our group has dual identities and never really started out with the aim or goal of being nurses. Seems like we just found it, or it found us. VonMittens wanted to be an interior designer and surgeon, but became a RN. Jenny-meowmeow was an artist, you were a harpist, I wanted to rule the world, Donald Trump style in business, and both VonMittens and I are part-time ninjas.
Do you ever miss life in the bay area? It seems like food there always tastes better whenever I visit. I remember my favorite place was this restaurant call Gary Danko near Fisherman's Warf in downtown. It was a little pricy, but the ahi tuna we had was amazing~! It was paired with fresh avocados, enoki mushrooms, and this citrus sauce. Wish I could upload a picture of it, because it was presented in the design of a butterfly, so you'd feel guilty of ruining such art, until you take the first bite and then you'd om nom nom nom away.
It always amazes me how some people just have a iron work ethic, unfazed for so may years. I guess when you have a family to support, that drive just takes over and one's priorities change. With two hard working parents, I bet you go into beast mode during your shifts at VM. Keep up the good work, even though you don't see yourself as a nurse for the rest of our life. I think its very cool that you have harping skills. I set my morning alarm clock to a harpist piece. It's very relaxing and soothing. I wish I could hear your play one of these days. I bet it's amazing.
Sunny SUP,
ReplyDeleteI think it's funny that on the first day of a meeting a room full of people, certain people stand out and you take notice…"hmmm, I LIKE that person over there…" That's how I felt about you…you project your creativity and intellect and I don't find it surprising at all that you have such a multidimensional background. Of course you are an artist! I knew you had that something special about you :)
I agree with Jason that it is interesting that our group found each other. I can completely relate with trying to find a way to meld this other side of you with nursing. When it's shut out I feel like a schizophrenic, or there's another one of me living in an alternate universe somewhere. What did you think about that video on creativity and nursing? I thought it was amazing and made so much sense. I too hope to one day find a nursing job that joins my creative side as well.
Your childhood sounds so interesting! You have a positive aura about you that seems very whole, and it's lovely to hear your story of how you have inherited certain qualities and values from your parents--- and shaped your nursing identity as well. I really liked your posting of two photos of your different "selves" as well, it's a nice addition to your writing.
Are you drawing mandalas? Last fall I missed a ceremony and get-together for a friend who had stage III breast cancer and was ramping up for a mastectomy. I had to work. In my absence I sent a circular box with some stones that had been given to me by two other women cancer survivors. It was one of those wooden brie cheese boxes that I painted white and then drew and colored a mandala on the outside of it. I'd never made one before but found it so incredibly calming and engrossing to create. I actually thought about that box when we were making our goals, I was thinking of making a mandala a post. What a wonderful creative outlet for you! I'd love to talk to you more about your drawings and see more of them!
I think there is so much need for people who have strong hearts to be willing to devote themselves to caring for others in a somewhat broken society. much creativity is needed to reaffirm the human side of health care. I feel confident that you will be able to contribute to this.
ReplyDeleteI thought it very curious that you were led in another direction - toward science - as a result of your experience in A and P. Were you having misgivings about your life direction before this change? I can't imagine wanting to give up the harp and I hope it continues to live in your everyday world. And I truly that the roles for nurses will become much more self directed. I think of nurses like Lillian Wald and others who made their way in the streets, creating opportunities and using whatever was available. I know the world has changed, and yet, in some ways it still feels like people are isolated and in need of healing.